Starting Over
by Lidsworth
Summary: ModernAU Suffocated by her aristocratic life, Morgana Pendragon eventually ends up in a rehab center. However, her life takes an unexpected turn when she decided to runaway from her father's, Uther Pendragons, cold clutches and follow a young intern, Guinevere, home. And unexpectedly she ends up falling for the intern's schizophrenic roommate, Merlin. Merlin/Morgana Arthur/Gwen R
1. Starting Over

A/N: So, i've been thinking about this story for a while, it's modern AU. Basically, Morgana runs away when she can't take the stress of her aristocratic life, ends up in a rehab center, and later falling for a sick schizophrenic teenager who goes by the name of Merlin. Parings: Morgana/Oc Morgana/Merlin Aurthr/Gwen Gwen/Lancelot ( a bit). Morgana has a longer story that will be introduced in the next chapter. Be prepared, it involves money and sex. Anyway, hope you like this chapter, sorry if it's boring and long, it's just the introduction. My BETA is Yamiga, check her out, hope you like it. This is my first Merlin and Morgana fic. I'm thinking of one though, it's gonna be rated M, so, be prepared. Enjoy this one!

Diclaimer: I do not own Merlin.

Starting Over

She pulled her dark hood over her head as she walked through the streets of busy civilians. Long dark hair spilled out of her hood as pale hands frantically attempted to push the strands back, in order to keep her vision clear. She was following a woman, a woman who was her ticket out of her old life, and a step into her new.

Guinevere walked back home from the bus stop, head down and her thoughts in a whirl. Her first day of her internship hadn't gone as planned, or as she would have liked. She thought she could do it, she thought she was strong enough to bare the problems of the mentally disturbed, she thought she could see as they did, but she couldn't. Her friends had recommended the job for her, as did her college and highschool professors. But she could not do it. She spent her life pursuing it, ever since the day Merlin had moved in with her, she'd sought to understand his damaged mind, but with her recent internship, she felt as if she'd been as lost as she was before.

She didn't like the atmosphere, she didn't like the constant sounds of patients wailing and screaming because of something they thought no one could understand. Agony and loneliness lurked around every corner. She told them she wasn't ready, the facility had been kind to her and told her to return in six months to a year, and they would hold her position for her. She was a promising candidate, but she needed time.

She still worked part-time at the cafe down the street from her house. She looked forward to that job, the environment was peaceful and forever smelled of chocolate. She smiled at the thought of the it and decided to go and buy a quick cookie or something in order to make her feel better. It was only a little past noon, and the sun was at it's highest and cool air blew all around. She'd be home a little before her roommates medicine wore off and he was awake. Maybe she'd buy something for him as well.

With a lighter mood, Gwen quickened her pace and headed towards the cafe, taking no notice of the dark figure following behind her.

The area she lived in was beautiful, it always had been. There were trees everywhere in her neighbourhood, and each house was different and unique. Here's happened to be a gray two story, with a black roof and a black door. The windows were always open, allowing fresh air to scent the house.

Just outside of her neighborhood was a large park that opened off into the woods. Just before the park were a series of small stores and bakeries, all in walking distance from her house. This was the town square, the most populated area of her small community. Elsewhere, about a forty five minute drive from the town was a hospital, an essential part of Gwen's life. To get there, she drove, or when it was just her, she took the bus. She hardly ever left the town though, her roommate was her top priority. Other than that, there was a church deep in the woods, it's cross visible to all.

The figure behind Gwen took all of this in. This was so different from where she used to live. Whereas she was surrounded by mansions and city lights, camera's and paparazzi and loveless relationships, this place was surrounded in small houses, trees and laughing children. This place did not hold the stress and expectations she'd grown up with, no, she could feel a burden lifting off of her chest.

With shaky fingers, the young woman chanced fate and removed the dark hood, revealing a bone thin pale face, large blue eyes and a sullen expression. A young Morgana Pendragon made sure not to lose sight of the woman in front of her. Something about this failed psychiatrist told her to follow her outside of the rehab center, take the exact same bus she took, and continue to follow her to this warm and sunny town. It was almost as if Morgana knew the woman, but instead, based her actions on the intern's personality.

Morgana was a runaway now, she couldn't live in the world in which she was born into. She was a promising actress and model, she was famous around the world. Everyone knew her name, almost everyone. She noticed no double takes as she walked through the small town square, no camera's or whatnots. She could actually start over here, she could be more than a tool to the media, a tool to her father.

The intern turned seemed to be in a lighter mood than she had been on the bus. She actually smiled now, and it was hard for Morgana to believe this to be the woman who ran out crying because of a tragic story involving a car wreck a child told her. Morgana was there for a six month rehabilitation process, and was to get back to her father's agent immediately afterwards. It had just been four months, and she felt as hollow as she did before. Something about the dark skinned woman had brightened her up, and the two had only shared a glance, and the dark skinned woman smiled at her as to say she understood what she was going through.

Gwen walked into the care and inhaled the scent of chocolate and smiled. She held the door open for a woman behind her who looked oddly familiar. Her face was rather pale and her skin was hollow. Her eyes were a lifeless blue and her pale skin clung to her skin like plastic wrap. With a few more meals, this woman could be stunningly beautiful.

_The woman in the rehab center_! Gwen thought to herself, but quickly dismissed the fact when she thought of the small possibility.

The woman smiled and took a seat by the window. The cafe wasn't very large. There were two large windows, in between them, the door. On each window was two booths that held about six people each, and scattered around the small space were eight more tables that held about four each. Than, on the wall, was the counter and behind that the small kitchen and a restroom. The cafe itself was a dark brown, while the seats were a creamish red color. The counter displayed many different and delicious food items for sell. Gwen loved working here, and usually spend her her off time that she had to herself just coming and grabbing a bite.  
Morgana stared at the woman and saw how she looked at the restaurant with awe. She must've really loved this place.

"Buenas Tardes, Gwen," from behind the counter came a young man with shoulder length brown hair, tan skin, and dark eyes. He smiled when he saw the intern, now known as Gwen to Morgana, enter the cafe, "how did your internship go?"

"I cried like a baby, Lance," she confessed, walking to the counter and resting her elbows on it, "It was too much, they told me I could come back, but I don't think I can fathom it." Gwen sighed and looked at the pastries in the glass case, "One child told me about a car wreck and how it's been since he's lost his family, another teenager had an eating disorder because her mom told her she was too fat. She only weighed 110 at first!," Gwen exclaimed angrily, thinking of the emotional and mental pain that the teen had to go through, "it's the stupid media! The girl is anorexic now and won't even eat a chocolate bar Lancelot, a chocolate bar!"

"The world won't change in a day," Lance replied earnestly, "It'll take time...Now...on the brighter side, what would you like to eat?"

"Oh...just a cookie, make that two," she said, considering her roommate, "and maybe a donut."

"How's Merlin?" Lance suddenly asked as he fetched fresh cookies from the display, "is he getting better?"

"Merlin's just Merlin, he won't be getting any better, but that's fine by me," Gwen said, regarding her roommate, "he was the reason I wanted the internship anyway."

Lancelot laughed, "Merlin has a very animated mind, but I think he'd beyond the help of a psychiatrist," Lancelot handed her a back with her items, "Don't worry about paying, it's on the house."

Gwen smiled as she took that back and thought of Lancelot's comment, "Thanks Lance, come by later this week, i'm sure he'd love to see you!"

"Whenever I get the time I'll stop by," Lancelot replied to Gwen as she headed towards the door, "I wouldn't mind seeing him again too, it's been awhile, hasn't it?" Lancelot asked, thinking back on the last time he'd visited his friends, "Tell him I wish him good health, and I'll visit him when I get the chance."

"He'd love that Lance, i'll be sure to tell him, thank you," and with that, Morgana watched as her target left the cafe and hurriedly stood up to go after her.

The walk to Gwen's house wasn't a long one, and Morgana was thankful that the trees prevented Gwen from noticing that she was being followed.

Gwen fumbled in her pocket and pulled out her keys and opened the door.

"I'm back, Merlin!" she shouted loudly, knowing she'd get no real response. Merlin was still asleep upstairs. Gwen sighed and closed the door.

Her two story house was the same house she'd grown up in. It's floors were soft carpet, it's walls a light green cream color, and the atmosphere inviting. There were four rooms, two upstairs, and two downstairs. She had three restrooms, two upstairs and one downstairs. Downstairs was the large living room with a sofa and two chairs, behind that, the kitchen which shared a space with the washroom, and a door that lead to the garage and a another to the backyard.

Upstairs, there was a long hallway with two doors directly across from each other, and at the end, the door to the basement.

Gwen stayed across from Merlin's room due to the fact he could need her anytime in the middle of the night.

After Gwen put the bag of pastries on the table, she proceeded upstairs to check on Merlin. She was slow opening his door. His room was plain white with one window and a door to the restroom. On the wall opposite of her was a large hospital like bed where a pale, thin and still figure lay. The blankets had covered his entire body, and only a limp arm hung from the bed. Gwen heard the beeps of the many machines throughout the room, and looked around at the numerous papers on the ground.

Ever since Gwen could remember, Merlin loved to draw and paint. Due to his lack of physical movement and activity, Merlin drew and drew and painted and painted. His pictures were distorted though, but, that never stopped him from understanding them. He'd always claimed they'd been from dreams he always had, dreams so real they felt like memories. He told Gwen she was in them too, and even added her in one of his drawings, though, it was hard for her to tell it was actually her.

The entire room was littered in drawings, and a lot of them were hung up for all to see. Gwen decided it would be about another hour before Merlin woke, she decided to get his medicine ready anyway, knowing the consequences of not having it could be grim.

Merlin had been like this ever since she first knew him. As she walked downstairs, she remembered her parents being friends with his parents. He wasn't like other kids, he was born with schizophrenia, or at least, that's what the doctors had diagnosed. Gwen believed it though. Aside from that brain ailment, Merlin was diagnosed with a hereditary disease that usually required lifetime assistance and care. Merlin had become Gwen's family's problem when his parents had died in a car accident and he had no one to care for him. Gwen was very young, and got used to Merlin, he was like a little brother. Than after Gwen graduated high school, her parents were killed in an accident as well. Merlin then became Gwen's problem and friend.

She told him everything.

Gwen went into the kitchen and looked into the cabinets. She searched through tons of pill bottles and smiled when she found the right one. She got a knife from the drawer and began crushing pills with a knife. She'd put the powder in a glass of juice later, but for now, she left it on the counter.

Just as she was about to go back upstairs to check on Merlin again, there was a loud knock at the door.

_Lance_, she thought to herself, no, he's still working. It was rare that anyone visited Gwen if it wasn't Lancelot or Percival. Her older brother had left her life a long time ago. Cautiously, she walked towards the door.

She looked through the eyehole and saw the distorted image of a woman dressed primarily in black. Slowly, she opened the door just enough so the woman could see her and she could see the woman.

This woman looked oddly familiar, like the woman in the rehab center, but she hardly knew her, yet her presence felt familiar as well. Gwen could've sworn she'd known her from somewhere. She was pale, her eyes were a light blue and her long curly hair was jet black. She wore a dark hoodie and baggy pants. She looked immensely pale and thin, almost like Merlin, but she looked strangely beautiful too.

Blue eyes met brown eyes, and Gwen could tell that the woman in front of her was feeling the same strange feeling, and suddenly, a familiar name uttered from Gwen's lips.

"Morgana..." she said, slowly and drawled out.

"...How did you know my name..." Morgana asked, hoping this woman didn't know of her identity. To her relief, she didn't.

"Lucky guess..." she said, her eyes honest but confused, "How can I help you...Morgana?"

Morgana paused, she hadn't actually believed that she would make it this far. She needed a plan, but it needed to be quick and believable. "I need to borrow your phone.." she lied, hoping Gwen would buy it.

Gwen stared for a while, her expression as confused as ever.  
"Sure, follow me," Gwen said, leading Morgana inside, "oh, and by the way, my name is Guinevere, but, people call me Gwen,"

"Thanks Gwen," Morgana said, the name sounding foreign yet oddly familiar on her tongue.

**So, what will Morgana do, and why did Gwen just randomly spit out her name? Lancelot is of latin decent in this one, that's why he says, "Buenas Tardes". Anyway, please review and tell me how I started it, it's just the first chapter, so i'll go into more depth in later chapters. PLEASE REVIEW! Anyway, hope you liked this and God bless! **


	2. Tortured Soul

**AN: it's back breaking to get these chapters posted, expect shorter chapters, this one was just huge! It's taken me four days to write, aside with all of my school work! Hope you enjoy this chapter and please leave more reviews. Morgana meets Merlin in this chapter, and he actually speaks to her. **

**disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. **

**Tortured Soul**

Morgana followed Gwen into the kitchen in order to use the phone. She took note of the bag of pastries lying on the table, and immediately her mouth watered and her stomach growled. She could almost imagine that sweet chocolaty taste oozing in her mouth, and the sweet aroma filling her nose.

_"You've gained five pounds Morgana, how are you going to fit into that dress for your photo-shoot? Sweets are for normal girls, not models and actresses who want to keep their jobs..."_

That sentence from a far off memory stung her deep within, and caused her to tear her gaze from the delicious treats. She tried to remind herself that she would no longer have to live like that, live up to the expectations of "robots", she could finally be free and could live for herself rather than a camera.

Gwen noticed this strange behavior. Morgana stared at the bag of pastries as if she hadn't had a bite to eat in ages. She looked thin as well, and Gwen felt guilt rise up in her gut as she heard a small rumble come from Morgana's stomach as she continued to stare. Suddenly, the pale woman tore her gaze from the bag and continued to look back towards Gwen.

"Are you hungry?" Gwen decided to ask, as she really didn't mind sharing a cookie with Morgana, she seemed incredibly thin anyway.

Morgana stared, her eyes wide and confused. Again, images of her past flooded her mind. She was born to be beautiful and to impress her father and the world. She lived for the camera and the media, to do otherwise would be a sin in the eyes of her peers. Cookies would not be acceptable. But cookies didn't get her stuck in rehab. Money, drugs, sex...that got her stuck in rehab, all of this being results of her father's influence. She lived for the media, for the camera in her father, but now, Morgana would live or Morgana and only she, and she'd start by consuming a fattening pasty.

"Yes," she said a little too quickly, "yes, I haven't had a bite in a while."

Gwen smiled, "would you like a cookie? I bought two earlier, we could share if you'd like," Gwen handed her the white bag from the table. Morgana gulped and took the bag nervously her fingers already molding around the rough surface of the cookie.

Gwen stared as time seemed to slow down around Morgana. She brought the round chocolaty disk to her mouth, her fingers trembling in anticipation. With a crunch, an alien feeling entered her mouth. An explosion of sweet tasting chocolaty goodness that Morgana had only tasted sparingly in her life. She closed her eyed as the taste engulfed her mouth, and chewed the second bite slower than she had the first. She wanted to savor it, this was a feeling she'd been denied for for years.

Gwen was very confused now. She ate the cookie as if it was the first meal she'd had in ages. She did. However, mention she hadn't eaten in ages, but that didn't explain her weak and thin figure. Gwen suddenly felt herself getting worried, this woman resembled Merlin! That wasn't a good thing, he was sick, and was constantly in need of help.

"Do you still need to make a call?" Gwen asked, pulling Morgana out of her chocolaty mirage, "The phones on the counter."

Morgana smiled, and though reluctant to put the bag down, she did so anyway and walked towards the phone. Then, a question rose in her head, who exactly was she going to call? Arthur? Uther? Her agent?

This plan wasn't well thought out.

Morgana's fingers clamped around the phone, unsure of what to do. Gwen figured this was going to happen.

Morgana looked like a runaway, she had no one to call and nowhere to go. Morgana seemed very kept to herself, and new to the world around her. Gwen knew she wouldn't survive, at least not by herself, and she'd be dammed if she'd abandon her. When Gwen was little, her parent's always told her that nothing God did was a mistake, from the moment Merlin arrived at their house, to the moment his parents died. Her parent's said God took his parents away because they could only understand Merlin if they could be in his heart, but they gave the family joy and Gwen a reliable brother.

"Do you need a place to stay?" Gwen finally asked, her voice kind and warm, "You look lost. You don't really have a place to stay, do you? No one to call, no family...you're a runaway"

Morgana paused and stared mouth agape and wide eyed at Gwen. How did she know, did Morgana seem stranded, did she look lost?

"...Yes..." she said, her voice silent and defeated, "...I can help around, just...just don't kick me out. I have nowhere to go..." Morgana attempted to keep her sobs in, but it was impossible. Never had she met anyone this outwardly generous, she had never met anyone this real and original. Morgana brought her hands to her face in shame as tears spilled; if only Gwen had known what kind of tainted past Morgana lived, would she be this generous.

"Hey, it's okay," Gwen quickly rushed over to Morgana, and pulled her into a hug, "it's alright. Come on, I'll show you around."

OOOOO

Uther Pendragon threw his iPhone angrily on the wall opposite of him. He'd just gotten off of the phone with is agent who had just informed him that his daughter, Morgana, had gone missing from the rehab center without a trace. And, what was worse, the agent strongly leaned towards the fact that Morgana ran away. She was due for a photo-shoot in two weeks, and a commercial staring Calvin Klein's fashion catalogue! Why on earth would she runaway? Did she think this was all a game and that they didn't have things to do?

And to make things worse, as a business proposal and to strengthen family ties, Morgana WAS TO BE MARRIED! She knew this just as well as everyone else in the household, she knew her "fiance" from childhood due to their elite social circles, yet Morgana had fled?!

In other words, Uther Pendragon was pissed. It had taken him years to get to where he was now, disregarding the fact that he was born into a life of fine titles and fancy things. He was the son of a Sir and an actress, and though both were deceased, he planned on living up to his parents dream, as it was his dream too.

Standing up angrily from his desk, Uther walked from his home office and out into the hallway of his large and extravagant mansion. Directly across from his office was his son's room, Arthur Pendragon, actor and model, just like his sister. Perhaps Arthur knew of his sister's disappearance and could shed some light on the situation.

Without knocking, he barged inside his son's room, immediately regretting he did so. Automatically, Uther brought a hand to his face at the sight of his son and hot blond both naked in Arthur's large king sized bed. Uther was betting that his son had met this woman from some bar about a week ago, as Arthur was the expert of "Sex with no strings attached", as he was often in the act every weekend with a different girl.

"FATHER!" Arthur cried in annoyance, quickly covering himself and his blond trophy with a sheet, "what is it!?" Uther sighed and decided to ignore his son's tone, other matters, important matter were at hand.

"When you're done with..with this girl, I need you to come to my office right away. Morgana's gone missing," Uther paused to see a shocked and confused expression on his son's face, "she's run away."

"Morgana...is that your sister?" the blonde was completed too high and oblivious in order to understand what was going in.

Arthur replied. "Yeah Stephini_" "Destiny," she corrected, airy and unconcerned, "But it can be Stephini if you'd like.."

"I mean Destiny_Father, why would Morgana run away, she's got everything here, money, makeup, everything? Did she not like rehab, she couldn've come home," Arthur began, his tone serious"this is her home, where else would she go?"

"I don't know Arthur but I'm sending you to her rehab center to ask around," Uther made haste to turn away, and quickly added, "Finish up with Ste_Destiny, as soon as you're ready, I'm sending you to the center. Try not to make your stay long, you've got upcoming films and photo-shots as well, don't make me wait!"

Arthur sighed as he wrapped his arms around Destiny. This was a drag! He had to go to a rehab center to look for his sister? That was full of, well, that was full of just normal, boring and unattractive people.

Destiny giggled in delight and pressed her body closer to his. Sadly, this was just a onetime thing, and they both knew it, it was always like that. He was notorious for his womanizing tactics.

"I've got to go you know, "Arthur said softly, wanting to further emerge himself inside of this goddess of a blond "this will be goodbye."

"Aww...five more minutes, pleeeeeeeeeeeeeeeasee!" Destiny said her voice barely above a squeal. Arthur considered it, it was just five more minutes, and Destiny was willing to give everything to Arthur.

"Fine, just five more minutes..." Destiny giggled in delight as the bed began to resume it's rocking state.

ooooo

Gwen had escorted the girl from the kitchen, and saw her suspiciously eye the powdery substance on the counter as they left. "Medicine," Gwen quickly added, "for my roommate. You won't be seeing much of him though..."

Morgana had stopped crying minutes ago, and was presently about to follow Gwen around the house for a mini tour.

"Roommate?" Morgana asked curiously wondering why his presence would be hardly seen, "does he work late shifts?"

Gwen laughed as Morgana said that, "Oh, no, the exact opposite... i'll need to check on him in few minutes, though he doesn't get his medicine for another forty-five. Since you will be staying with us for a while, you should get a bit acquainted with him."

Morgana wondered what this room ate was like, Gwen made him seem mysterious and a little bit of a drug addict. _Maybe we can __connect_, Morgana thought sarcastically.

"I'll show you your room first, follow me," Gwen seemed gestured for Morgana to follow. The two walked through the living room, and down a hallway where there were two doors on opposite sides of the hall, "Here's your room, bathroom included," Gwen opened the door and revealed a green walled, single window, two doors for a restroom and closet, and a queen sized bed on the far wall, room, "it's a bit plain, but, it's all i have, the other room is like it too."There was also a TV directly across from the bed on the opposite wall. It stood on a bookshelf filled with old looking books.

Morgana looked around, she wasn't used to anything this...simple. It was so small, like nothing she'd never seen before. There was no bright and gaudy colors, no extravagant jewelry or clothes hanging up on a clothes rack. No makeup or anything of the sort, no beer bottles and pill bottles littered across the floor.

Morgana wasn't used to this, but she loved it. Gwen noticed an unusually large smile plastered on the woman's face, her eyes sparkling in delight and satisfaction. "Um..." Gwen began, unsure of what to say,, "I have some old clothes in my closet, you can have them if you'd like...I can ask for a job for you in my cafe, we wouldn't mind a few new workers..."

Morgana pulled Gwen into another hug, "Oh, thankyou so much, thank you for everything!"  
"You're welcome?" Gwen said, her voice tight due to the hug, and bewildered by Morgana's personality. When Morgana let go, Gwen took a breath and straightened herself out.

"Ah, Merlin," Gwen said, "My roommate, here, i'll take you too him..." Gwen's mood suddenly shifted from happy to shallow, Morgana took notice to this. What about Merlin made Gwen's mood so different than it was before.

As the two walked up the stairs, Morgana could hear a sound that resembled beeping as if someone was a patient in a hospital. She remembered the sound from one of the movies she played in a while back. How odd, why would this noise be in a house like Gwen's?

"Now, he's probably sleeping now," Gwen began, leading Morgana to the hallway suddenly pointing to a door "Oh that's my room right across from his." Morgana nodded and kept a close distance to Gwen. The beeping got louder, and something in Morgana's gut twisted as they came to a halt.

"Well, here he is," Gwen said as she opened the door, "You can go take a look at him, he won't mind."

Morgana was a bit confused. The room was filled with drawings, some on the floor while some were on the wall. They were all distorted though, images and shapes were unceremoniously splattered on the white paper making it hard to tell what the images were supposed to be. Morgana squinted at them, one in particular hanging on a wall. It was red, the background itself, and in the middle of the paper was sloppy looking gold thing.

Morgana tilted her head a bit more, and for a second, it seemed as if the image was an upside down dragon, but when she blinked, it was just a large gold blob. Morgana turned towards the far side of the room and looked at the sleeping form of the artist himself. An arm, pale and thin, hung limply out of the bed, while white sheets covered the majority of the body. Morgana steadily walked over and placed her hand on the sheet in order to pull it back. She looked back at Gwen, who was still at the door, "Go on."

Morgana turned towards the still figure, and for some reason, she was nervous, very nervous and even fearful. But nevertheless, she slowly pulled the white linen sheet down, revealing jet black hair, pale skin and a sunken face.

_emrys..._

Morgana blinked, what was that in her head? The instant she pulled the sheet down, she could hear a strange name echo in her head. She dismissed it though, and continued to further look at the boy on the bed. She wondered why Gwen was so quick to get the two acquainted, honestly, as kind as Gwen was, Morgana had just arrived, and yet Gwen was already quick to introduce her to the ailing child.

Morgana could tell that he was very young, despite the lines of starvation and disease that stained his face. Large eyes remained closed on a pasty white face. It seemed as if he was sleeping peacefully. He was just a teenager, no older than eighteen. Morgana suddenly realized that she was being silly acting all nervous around this boy, he was no threat to her.

"Merlin," she she said, looking at him intently, noticing the rise and fall of his thin chest and the way his eyes slowly fluttered behind closed lids. In all of her life, she'd never seen anyone this sick. She and her brother were sheltered from "peasants" or "common filth" as her father put it, anyone with health like Merlin's wouldn't be accepted in their social circle. Had Morgana met him five years ago, she would have held those beliefs highly, but, as of now, her heart ached for him. She felt great sadness and wanted to do anything she could to reduce his suffering. She didn't even know him, or at least she didn't think she did, yet she felt obliged to help him.

Little did she know, as her mind drifted into it's train of thought, that two bright and brilliant blue eyes were staring precisely at her, unblinking and actually very still.

Morgana suddenly felt a gently tug on a lock of her hair that had fallen on Merlin's face. With a jump, she noticed that the boy was staring directly at her and forcing himself to sit up. A lock of her hair was in his hand as he did so.

"Oh! Do you need help!?" Morgana asked suddenly, realizing that it must've been a challenge to move in such a weak body. He didn't say anything though, he balanced himself on one arm, the other arm's hand still grasping a lock of Morgana's hair, forcing her to bend at an awkward angle.

"Oh, I've forgotten to get his medicine!" Gwen exclaimed, obviously not expecting him to wake at the moment, "I'll be back with some juice and your medicine Merlin, stay up here with him Morgana_" Gwen turned quickly on her heels before yelling, "Oh, he's schizophrenic as well, please excuse his weird behavior."  
As soon as Gwen left, Merlin was completely sitting up, studying the dark lock of Morgana's hair. She thought it was rather odd, this behavior, but, she blamed it on his schizophrenia though she wasn't entirely too sure what that was. Nevertheless, she attempted to communicate.

"Hello..." she said, the grip on her hair tightening, "I'm Morgana," she introduced, trying not to whine as he pulled her hair further towards him, causing Morgana's head to angle.

"It's so black..." was all Merlin said, his voice quiet and low, "like a witches...I dream about witches, one looks like you," he replied, his two hands now pulling more locks towards him.

"You're a witch," he concluded, though he'd just seen a lock of her hair, "in my dreams you're an evil witch, and I alway skill you at the end." Suddenly, he released her hair and pointed to the far wall of the room where a picture was hung up. It was the same red one with the gold blotch.

"That's where you're from, and Gwen, Gwen is a queen..." his hand dropped slowly, and he stared at Morgana who looked back at him with a nervous smile.

"I'm sure she is, " Morgana supplied, not sure what to say to his unique outburst, " and i'm sure i'm a witch too, in your dreams, they're just dreams, that's all." Merlin stared at her as if he'd just been shot.

"They're real," he said silently, "i'm not schizophrenic, i'm not sick. Nor am i insane," he looked at her, his eyes pleading, " do you think i'm insane? Gwen does, but I'm not."

Morgana was silent for a while, and Merlin dropped his head and looked away. Morgana felt guilty, had she made him feel bad, was he not aware of his mental ailment? She just met the guy and he called her an evil witch and nearly pulled her hair out. She should be angry at him if anything, yet she felt terrible.

Finally, Gwen came in, a cup of juice in her hand, at the bottom, Merlin's medicine. "Time to drink up," Gwen said cheerfully, "and maybe later i'll take you downstairs if you feel up to it, later i'll give you a bath and you can go to sleep after dinner." she quickly gestured towards Morgana, "This is_"

"Morgana," Merlin quickly filled in.

Gwen smiled, obviously thinking Merlin had heard the two talking earlier, "Yes, it's Morgana, she's going to be living with us now, is that alright?"

Merlin looked at Morgana and Gwen, than to Morgana again, "Yes, i don't mind, even if she is an evil witch."

Gwen gasped, "Merlin, Morgana isn't a witch, remember, they're dreams Merlin, they're not real." Morgana could tell Merlin wanted to argue, but instead, he said nothing and stared straight ahead.

"Okay Gwen," Merlin replied sadly, feeling alone yet again. Morgana's heart clenched as she saw the look of loneliness on his face as he took the cup and drank. He slowly handed the cup back to Gwen and pulled the sheets back over his head.

"You don't feel like going downstairs?" Gwen asked as he turned away from them, " Do you have to go to the restroom or anything."

"No and no, i'm tired, " Merlin replied, though it sounded like he was lying about the last part. Gwen nodded and left, Morgana following directly after her. As soon as Gwen closed the door, she turned to Morgana and smiled.

"That's Merlin," she replied sarcastically, "you should see him when he'd not on his medication. I'm sorry that he called you a witch," Gwen said, "he didn't mean it, i'm_"

"Oh, it's alright," Morgana quickly replied, "it was just an accident, it was just a dream, i'm sure he doesn't really mean it."

Gwen smiled, thankful that Morgana had been understanding.

"Shall we go explore the closet now? You do want some clothes, don't you?" Gwen said, her personality jumpy and happy yet again. Morgana smiled and followed the newly happy Gwen downstairs, yet her mind still lingered in Merlin's room. His plea for understanding and acceptance pierced her like a white hot knife. And the word Emrys still echoed in her head.

**I know Gwen may come off as a bit shallow or ignorance when it comes to Merlin, but keep in mind, she's dealt with it for too long to believe him anymore. I will provide flashbacks of their earlier relationship later in the story, as well as those relationships Morgana has had, and one that is presently following her. Morgana's "fiance" will come up later, and a lot of things she did as an actress and a model will too. Keep in mind that Morgana was very rude and snooty to begin with, you'll see this in later chapters. Also, you'll start seeing some Arthur and Gwen and a little reincarnation too. Please keep up with this story and sorry if i've thrown you off, bare with me though, all will be explained! Sorry for any mistakes, and feel free to review if I have made any! God bless, Lidsworth!**


	3. A Team

**AN: I know i said shorter chapters, but geez, this one was like 5 pages! In addition to my school work, it takes me the longest time to write this. Anyway, I'm finally done! I'm so glad, my hands hurt but it's all good. This chapter explains a bit more about Morgana's back story, along with Arthur's view on the world. Also, this involves drug use, etc. Has mentions of sex, but no too much. I wanted to brush up a little on social classes and social circles so I put some of that in there. In my opinion, to be based off of your class and your wealth alone is pathetic and disgusting, I hate people like that, people who are so rich yet have the nerve to complain about shoes! It pisses me off so much. A lot of thought went into some of this, so tell me what you think. Also, another thing i despise if femMerlin fics! I can't stand them, it destroys a lot of the show, and I know it's fanfiction, but i can never bring myself to read them. i tried and wanted to gag myself. Also, the final chapter of Bitter Ends will be up soon! It's my first Mordred fic, and I love it a lot. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merlin. **

That night, Morgana slept the best she had in months. She was off of those disgusting meds, alcohol free, and in the comfiest and most modest pajamas she had ever worn. Gwen was a very modest person, as Morgana gathered that from her clothes and the way she carried herself. The majority of Gwens wardrobe which was now shared with Morgana was mostly sun and garden dresses. She had a few jeans and different kinds of shirts, but mainly all were fashioned for the outdoors and nice weather.

Morgana and Gwen had left the house shortly after Merlin had "gone to sleep". The two talked a bit as Gwen toured Morgana through the small English village, known as , "Stillwater Creek." The village was very very small, and the most populated area was the town square which was hidden in the trees. That was where Gwen worked. Morgana also saw the large cross in the distance far off in the forest, and Gwen had pointed out that that had been a church, a very old one, yet she still attended mass.

Mass was something that Morgana had stayed away from, she hadn't gone to church since she was a little girl, and after all the times her heart had been broken or her body had been used for unholy things, Morgana stopped believing in God, and was once asked by Arthur, "What took you so long?" Morgana allowed her life to be swarmed by materialistic things, makeup, clothes, and the latest technology. In a materialistic world, there was no place for God, and many of the elite jumped the bandwagon and dismissed childish thoughts as well. God was just about as real as magic in Morgana's eyes, and they shared a common similarity, neither one existed.

That cross in the distance met very little to her.

She had met Gwen's friend (also Gwen's Ex) Lancelot. He was of Latin descent, and his accent rich and thick. It was very beautiful, and Lancelot was very handsome. Morgana found herself reddening in his presence. Though the two were no longer together, Morgana found it astonishing how they had no bitterness towards each other like many in her social circles. Usually, when two would break up in an elite class, they remained bitter towards each other for ages, but no, no one would have known these two broke up if they weren't told.

Lancelot, or Lance , thought very highly of Merlin and played along with his ludacris and out of control dreams. Lancelot told the two that Merlin's pictures weren't distorted, but actual images, you just had to look at them a certain way. He also told them that Merlin often dreamed of Lancelot as a knight in shining armour, a red cape swirling behind him, and a glimmering sword at his side. As Morgana had began to notice, however, Gwen dismissed them simply as dreams. Whenever Gwen dwindled on the topic of Merlin's dreams, it always seemed to be painful for her, at least in Morgana's eyes.

A little while after that, the two went to the park and talked a bit more, Morgana very guarded and telling Gwen very little. Gwen told Morgana she would give her space and the two walked back to the house.

Later, Morgana discovered that while under so many medications, Merlin was completely dependant on Gwen. He was so weak, as he was diagnosed with an ailment that attacked his entire immune system, that Gwen assisted him in everything he did. Apparently, he wasn't always this sick, he used to be able to run and play just like other kids, but, as he got older, his immune system weakened considerably which reduced him to a dependent child. Morgana had also gathered from Gwen that Gwen hadn't really minded caring for Merlin, not as much as she did when she was younger.

Dinner was also new experience, Merlin had eaten with them, though his food was somewhat different from there's, being just a colorless substance. It was supposedly medical food, as his body couldn't process the kinds of foods that Gwen usually cooked. The food, however, was delicious, and it wasn't even made by a professional cook.

Morgana looked at Merlin, whose dark hair was still damp from his bath just minutes before. He had a new set of clothes on, just some light blue pajama pants and a long sleeved blue pajama top. Morgana noticed Merlin avoiding her gaze and staring directly at his small bowl and struggling with his spoon. Again, a twinge of guilt had coursed through Morgana when she saw him attempt to bring the liquidy substance to his mouth with such a loose grasps on the spoon.

"Do you need some help?" Morgana had asked the struggling teen, who gave her a weary look. Slowly, he nodded, and surrendered the spoon to her. By now, Gwen was in the kitchen clearing up some of the dishes, as she had already finished eating. Morgana held the spoon steadily in her hand and brought it to Merlin's open mouth. The two stared intently at each other as Morgana placed the spoon in his mouth and he swallowed his food.

Morgana hadn't realized how beautiful his eyes were. They were large and captivating and filled with so much knowledge. Morgana was mesmerized by them, so mesmerized that she hadn't realized the spoon was still lodged into Merlin's mouth. With a sudden blush, Morgana quickly apologized and removed the spoon, Merlin still staring intently at her. "thank you" Merlin had muttered silently as the spoon was removed from his mouth, and his glare turned back to his bowl. That night at dinner, Morgana continued to feed Merlin, his weak arms preventing him from doing so himself. By the time Gwen came back to get Merlin, he had already finished most of his food with the help of Morgana.

That was the first "intimate" experience Morgana had had with Merlin, and as she stared the ceiling of her new room, she wondered if there were more to come. She wanted to get to know him a bit more, as he was mysterious and kept to himself. She closed her eyes and let images of her past flutter through her mind, dismissing some and reminiscing a few. She knew these thoughts would chase her. They were like nightmares that threw her failures in her face, all of her regrets were constantly relived in her sleep.

She yearned for dreams of her new home, rather than those of the prison she used to live in. She remembered her exposed body being bent to the will of another man as they shared loveless passion all in front of a camera. She remembered how she starved herself constantly, skipped out on meals and took the wierdest medicine.

As she slept, the images spread through her head like wildfire, and she found herself being submerged into deep thoughts as she drifted into sleep. At first, they signed her already damaged brain, causing pain to slowly erupt, but, as acts that she regretted deeply scourged her endlessly, causing her to want to cry out. Instead, her eyes snapped open, and she found herself staring at the ceiling once again.

She knew that when she had access to it, she would turn to drugs in order to chase the nightmares away. But here, she didn't have access to any sort of drugs.

I knew it was too good to be true...she thought gruffly, immediately regretting she'd thought that. She knew that adjusting wasn't going to be a piece of cake, she wasn't used to not having drugs, not having alcohol, she mentally kicked herself for thinking that she would just easily slide into some new routine.

"You're an addict," she said to herself, reminding herself that there was no point in denying it. She used to have sex with some of the guys she acted and modeled with, and it was just sex for sport. The drugs blinded her and prevented her from actually knowing what she was doing. As long as she smiled for the camera and was "Daddy's little lap dog", everything would be fine.

She wanted to get away from that life, she had to, and now she had. But, the long term affects of addiction were sure to catch up with her, and she wasn't sure what she'd do without another drink or her meds. She knew that if she was to start living a normal life, she'd have to stop yearning for things that had harmed her. Rehab hadn't done shit for her, and she didn't pretend it did either. Her father was behind all of that, she never got the help she needed.

She guessed that if she wanted to live a free and healthy life, she'd have to do so without the "help" of drugs, no matter how hard or painful a life without them would be.

OOOOO

Arthur sighed a sigh of annoyance as he rested his head on the window of the car.

His father had sent him out immediately after he'd spent time with that girl...what was her name, Destiny, Stephani? Sarah? One of those, but whatever it was, after his time with her ended, Arthur was ordered to get himself ready while his things were being packed for a long and tiring drive to the remote Rehab Center Morgana decided to go to.

This was a nuisance, why would Morgana run away? Did she not have everything she wanted? They were rich, they got what they wanted, and they were some of the two most famous siblings in the world. They were classified as elites in the eyes of others, they were admitted into extravagant social circles, what more could his half sister want? Why even go to rehab, did she want to break her lifestyle completely? Did she want to be splattered all over the news, because she only had to be herself for that to happen.

Arthur was very annoyed at Morgana, what she had done was completely unnecessary. And since his father wanted to keep it away from the media, he was sending Arthur to find her! As if Arthur didn't have anything better to do. There were girls, bars, parties, photoshoots, movies, commerclais_And yet Morgana tossed it all away for some pathetic reason. Arthur was going to give her a piece of his mind when he found her, this was ridiculous.

Had it been that their father had brought up the topic of marriage, that he wanted to secure and uphold strong family blood lines by arranging a marriage for Morgana? Morgana and Arthur had known her fiance from childhood, they were in the same social circle together! If that was a reason, than why had Morgana fled?

Everyone, every single "blue blood" knew that just because you were married to someone, didn't' mean you had to love them! There could be mistresses and men on the sidelines, no one gave a damn! But, every man wanted Morgana, especially when her body was exposed completely in the public eye for all to see. No dignity there, but, did she really need it?

Arthur chuckled to himself, getting his sister a back would be no problem. She was probably just confused and maybe a bit overwhelmed by the fast pace of things. She was going to be married for goodness sake! Arthur just needed to remind her that marriage wasn't really marriage, it was a cover up for the camera. They weren't a "squeaky clean Catholic family" , sex before marriage, meaningful sex meant nothing to the Pendragon's. It was all about looking good for the camera, and bathing in the gold afterwards, at the same time enjoying every bit of it.

Arthur would just have to kindly remind his sister of her family's morals.

ooooo

Gwen was the first one up that morning, her work uniform already tightly fitted around her body. It was a classic modest waitress dress, a dull red one with a worn out yellow apron.

By the time Morgana woke, she could already smell breakfast cooking downstairs, and it smelled divine. Morgana hadn't gotten much sleep though, for endless nightmares continued to poke at her like the devil with his white-hot pitchfork. She was looking forward to a peaceful morning.

She opened her closet and grabbed a worn out blue sundress with small white flower images sewn into it. Further in the closet were some necessary undergarments. She was glad that her and Gwen were virtually the same size, or these clothes wouldn't fit her. The style was different to her though, just plain and dull, nothing you'd be strutting the red carpet or the walkway in. Nevertheless, Morgana was thankful that Gwen had given them to her, and liked them very much. It was like a new identity.

Gwen had found a spare toothbrush the day before and had given it to Morgana to use. After she brushed her teeth, she took a quick shower and washed her hair, dried herself off and put her new dress on. The restroom wasn't' that big, nor was it too small. There a long sink, a large mirror on the wall, a shower behind her, a tub near that, and a toilet opposite of the tup. The sink had many drawers on it, and here, Morgana found the brush.

It was large and gray, the bristles thick and kept closely together. It was different from any of the brushes that her stylist had used on her hair before, or the one brush she owned at home. Her brush's bristles were usually set far apart so you could actually distinguish the number of bristles, and they were rather large as well with balls on top of each bristle. Morgana put her finger on a bristle, it was so hard!

For some reason she became excited. She'd never come across a brush like this before! She kept it close to her as she ran to the kitchen from her room, almost colliding with a surprised Gwen.

"Good morning Morgana!" Gwen had nervously greeted, steadying Morgana, "I've just come to wake you up...your hair's wet...is that my brush?"

"This is your brush?" Morgana had asked, her eyes still wide with amazement at the quality and texture of the object in her hand, "I've never seen anything like it_It's so hard and so...so closely kept together, I mean the bristles," Morgana angled it so Gwen could see the brush a little better, " they're so close together like millions of little clumps!"

Gwen didn't know what to say. All she could conclude was that Morgana was either an extremely sheltered child, or on drugs, or a combination of both. She wasn't' angry or appalled by the reaction, she was just astonished. Gwen was happy that this was the first time Morgana had seen a brush, or at least elaborated on a broad bristled brush like this. Had it been someone else, Morgana could have been asking for trouble.

"It's my hair," Gwen began, leading Morgana to the kitchen, "It's thick and curly, see," Gwen politely offered a springy piece of a brown lock to Morgana and she gently pulled, "sadly, different brushes won't get the job done, so I have to use hard bristle brushes in order to manage my hair." Morgana had buried her hands in Gwen's scalp and felt a difference.

"Cool," Morgana replied, pulling another spring of Gwen's hair, "I like the brush too."

"You can have it if you'd like, though i'm not sure it would do a lot for you! Ah, you can use one of Merlin's brushes, he has plenty. They'll untangle those knots out of your hair too, my brush can't do that, though you're free to keep it."

Morgana smiled and put the brush back in her restroom and came back to the kitchen, breakfast already filling her nostrils. Merlin was in the kitchen with them too, seemingly stronger than he was yesterday, but just as silent. His hair as wet as well, Gwen had washed him earlier.

"I'm going to have to leave in an hour or so," Gwen began as she finished up her meal, "Lancelot says he'll come over today and look after Merlin, that way, I won't have to put him on a strong drug."

Morgana tilted her head and looked at Merlin who was slowly devouring his food. She did want to get to learn more about him, perhaps a day with him was her chance.

"Can I help?" Morgana asked innocently, not knowing what she was getting herself into, "If I can learn what to do, perhaps I can watch him more when you're away."

Guinevere took it the wrong way completely. Her face brightened up at the mere thought of it, "Really! Do you have a background in medicare or health care?!"

_Don't lie. Don't Lie. Don't Lie...Lie...Lie..Lie_

"You could say that, I studied it for a few years," _you mean while acting_, she thought to herself, "I've had some hand-on-hand experience."

Gwen's brown eyes lit up brilliantly, "You think you can watch Merlin than?! If Lancelot shows you some of what to do? Just until the doctor checks on him later this month?"

Morgana kicked herself mentally for her lie, and who the hell was the doctor, was this "Doctor Who"? "Yeah, I can!"

Merlin looked at her from his side of the table, and she could've sworn she heard somewhere deep within her mind, "You're lying, I know you are."

With a nervous smile, she looked into a pair of blue eyes that stared at her intently and dangerously.

"Lance is just around the corner," Gwen said happily, "he'll be here in a second, he can show you what to do." She immediately regretted her choice, as Merlin looked as her so venomously, it seemed that despite his illness, he could still kill her if he wanted to.

**The brush scene was incredibly funny for me to write, due to the fact i've been in a situation where i'm being interrogated about my brush and my hair. This story is going to touch up on many topics, and keep in mind, Morgana comes from a snobby family. She's sheltered from the "trash" as Uther will put it. Seeing Gwen's brush is something completely new to Morgana, and actually feeling her hair is new too, it's something she isn't used too. She's starting to adjust into a new life, and she's finding it a bit hard without the influence of drugs or sex. Merlin has magic, and, if I havent' mentioned, this is kinda sorta a reincarnation fic. About Merlin, he is sick both mentally and physically, but he can be treated for his physical illness better, that is the reason he can eat breakfast without Morgana's assistance. Also, Morgana was to be engaged, and I'll add that later. **

**What do you think about her lying to Gwen? Please Review! God bless. **


	4. Living for Him

**Sorry for the long wait, but, I'm having a lot of assignments being given to me, so this chapter may seem a bit short and rushed. I'm sorry about that :( I hope you like it however, and still review it, i'll try to post the next chapter by sunday or maybe saturday, but, it doesn't seem promising. Also, i've posted a new Naruto story dealing with Tobirama, it's rated M for a reason. Hope you like this chapter. **

**Disclaimer: I don't own Merlin **

Morgana mentally kicked herself again for even contemplating the lie. She knew nothing about healthcare or caring for someone with special needs! For goodness sake, she didn't even know that women had different types of brushes or different types of hair.

Caring for Merlin was sure to be disastrous, and at the same time, she was sure he hated her for some unknown reason. It wasn't as if he could hurt her if it came to that, he could hardly even walk, that could work to her advantage.

Gwen had left moments after breakfast as Lancelot would be there shortly. Meaning, for at least a good five to ten minutes, Morgana and Merlin were to be alone. Two pairs of eyes followed Guinevere as she left, and as soon as the door shut, they returned towards each other.

"Good morning," Morgana offered politely, unsure of what to saw in the case of being left with a clearly unstable schizophrenic. She waited for a reply, a break of eye contact, or something. But now, the instant she'd said good morning, Merlin hadn't answered and hadn't looked away from her. Morgana inwardly sighed, Not this again, she thought, waiting for him to come up with some accusation of her being an evil witch.

The two were still in the dinnning seated directly across from each other. In order to avoid Merlin's stare, Morgana looked down at her hands in her lap, hoping that he could take a hint. But, Merlin being Merlin, the hint remained oblivious to him, and instead, he continued to stare. This was confirmed when Morgana stole a quick glance across the table and at the boy sitting in front of her.

"What?" she snapped a bit too harshly, but, at the moment, she didn't care, this was getting to ridicules. She hated people staring at her, it made her feel like an object, "Is there something wrong, why don't you just say something!?" She said that a little too loudly, and immediately lamented it.

Merlin bit his lip as she finished her sentence and immediately looked down at his hands away from Morgana. He then began rocking back and forth, his expression nervous and his eyes wandering.

Crap, she had to do something.

"Look, i'm sorry...I didn't mean to." Morgana said cheerfully, trying to lighten the mood and ease Merlin's obvious tension, "here, let me get your dishes."

Merlin's rocking ceased momentarily as Morgana pushed her chair out and walked over to him, grabbing her dishes in the process as well as his. She walked to the sink and sighed as she heard the rocking by the table resume.

What did she think that yelling at a schizophrenic would accomplish, he probably didn't think there was anything wrong with staring at her, and perhaps she'd made him nervous or scared by yelling at him.  
When would Lancelot get here?

As if someone was reading her mind, the front door creaked open, and from the front he could hear a, "Hey, i'm here!"

Merlin's rocking ceased, as Morgana could hear the shuffle of Lancelot's feet approaching the kitchen. Morgana placed the dishes in the sink and slowly walked back near the dining room where Lancelot was making his way to a timid Merlin.

"Morning Merlin," Lancelot said to Merlin, whose hands were still in his lap and who was still looking dead at his fingers. At least the rocking stopped, "Morgana," he greeted with a genuine smile, "You look nice today."

Morgana blushed and lowered her face in embarrassment. She had no makeup on whatsoever, yet, his comment was an honest and pure one. "Thanks," she responded sheepishly, "You look nice too."

Lancelot offered a hopeless smile at that statement. He'd just thrown on whatever suitable clothes he could find, some worn old jeans and a long white sleeved shirt. To say he looked nice was...strange.

"Thank you," he replied awkwardly now just feet away from Morgana who was standing slightly behind Merlin.

There was a pause, both had made the situation completely awkward. Lancelot placed his hands on Merlin's bony shoulders, and gently moved his thumbs to ease the tension built up in the teen's muscles.

Merlin seemed to ease down a bit as his shoulders slumped and he sighed.

"So, Morgana, seems like i'm just teaching you a few things, " Lancelot began, "It's all easy though, just takes some time to get used too. Oh, and Gwen texted me something about you being in the medical field," he said with a smile, and Morgana nervously nodded, "Me too! I used to be a doctor, but, as much as I liked it, i loved my life here, in Stillwater better than anything."

Morgana understood him there, this town seemed to have that effect on people. LIke a love magnet.

ooooo

Caring for Merlin wasn't as easy as Morgana thought, but nevertheless, she kept up her lie for the sake of her new life. She pretended she knew exactly what she was doing, and asked questions in order to "refresh" her mind.  
"He wasn't always like this," the three were in the restroom now, both drying Merlin off, "I mean he isn't always like this..."

It had taken half of the day to get through Merlin's schedule. She'd gone from crushing medicine, to forcing a spoonful down his mouth, assisting him to the restroom, preparing his meals, straightening his room, and giving him a bath.

As freaked out as she had been at first (she had hardly ever raised a finger to do work in her life), doing things for Merlin was hard, but she felt thankful about the life she had. She felt a bit guilty, however. She remembered her previous lifestyle where she'd hired people to do her things for her despite the fact that she was healthy and could probably do things by herself.

Caring for Merlin had opened her eyes a little bit more.

"What do you mean," Morgan asked returning to the subject, drying Merlin's hair with a towel. Merlin, who seemed to be enjoying his drying, paused and looked at Lancelot who was sitting on the floor. Morgana was on the tub ledge, while Merlin was on the floor near Morgana.

"His health goes up and down," Lancelot began, "it's just since a while back, it's gone down. Especially since his parents died a while back ...his father understood him more than anything, and when he died Merlin kinda lost all understanding of the world...he was diagnosed with this disease, Schizophrenia, at a very early age , as that was around the time he lost his parents."

Morgana nodded, noticing Merlin's blank stare. His father was the only one who understood his weak mind? Morgana wondered if Merlin could even comprehend that fact that his father was dead and not coming back. He seemed too weak minded to realize that.

Morgana pitied him, and felt her pain only second to what he had gone through. She figured he got frustrated at times, with no one being able to understand him and all and that when his father died, his world collapsed 100X more.

She wrapped the towel around his thin frame and hugged him. She thought, just two days ago, that she would live for herself and only herself but seeing Merlin now, she felt that her life now had a greater purpose. As a personal promise and oath, she'd live for Merlin as well, she'd live to care for this young man until he was well again. He was her key to staying away from her family, and living a better life.

Too bad her father didn't see it that way.

OOOOO

Arthur was incredibly rude to the front desk lady of the extravagant hotel. He didn't care about the chandeliers, or the marl floors, he just cared about getting some decent sleep and looking for his excuse of a sister later in the morning. It was nightfall by the time that he had arrived to the hotel, and Arthur was as cranky as ever.

He wanted a beer, he wanted a blond, he wanted to party, he wanted to have hot sex with some hot girl, but because of his sister, he was stranded in a hotel forced to wait to dawn to search for her and drag her screaming ass back to their home.

He'd check the rehab center first and ask for any leads and then go from there. Until then, he was left in his master bedroom in the penthouse to ponder on his sister's whereabout. Part of him was pissed, while the other part was worried. It was his sister after all, and he hoped she hadn't been stolen.

With a sigh, he pulled the pillow over his head, and attempted to sleep, trying to think of happier days.

**Short and to the point, huh. Not running out of ideas, but not getting enough time, this explains this chapter. I'll try to work on the next chapter to have ready by next week, but no promises. Hope you liked this chapter, the next, Morgana and Merlin will be left alone, and Arthur get's a bit reckless and Gwen may meet Arthur. Sorry for any mistakes, please review, God bless. **


	5. Fate's Design

**AN: Merlin is younger than Morgana, as in the series, he begins working for Arthur at around 18 and Arthur is 24 making Morgana like 26 I think, I'm not sure, but I'm closing the gap in between them, it won't be a significant difference.**

**Did any of you read the new naruto chapter (for those of you who are narutards?) Madara is so CUTE! Anyway, i've put tons of thought in time into this chapter so I hope you like it. It has a little bit of Merlin in it and explains a little bit more of why he's the way he is. Arthur's also in here. Anyway, hope you like this chapter. There should be no spelling mistakes but I may have overlooked a few. Feel free to review if I have. **

**Disclaimer: I do not own Merin. **

Morgana was determined not to fail at the task at hand, which was caring for Merlin. She'd even taken notes, and reviewed them numerously after supper and at bed time.

It was her second day of being in Stillwater, and she could already envision her future life here. Every moment of her time was worthwhile if she wanted to continue to thrive and keep her life in Stillwater and again, she was determined not to fail.

With a yawn, and a comfortable stretch in her pajamas, Morgana closed her eyes and feel asleep.

OOOOO

"So, Merlin, what did you think about Morgana?" Gwen asked, as she straightened Merlin's room.

"I still think she's a witch," Merlin replied bluntly, laying down in his bed and staring at Gwen, "I know she's a witch."

Gwen rolled her eyes; there was no point in arguing this with Merlin, as he would go on for eons and eons nonstop. So, Gwen decided to change the subject to a happier topic.

"Got your doctors reports back on the way back home," she began, books and papers in her hands "and it seems like you're getting better. You can soon say "goodbye!" to this…stuff," Gwen said motioning to the hospital equipment, "and we can start taking you off of some of the medication as well."

Merlin looked visibly relieved. "When can I…you know…move around by myself again, when will I start feeling my strength again?"

"Remember, the doctor said something about that being up to your body, but the reports say that this medical stuff will be gone soon. So, I'm only assuming that with the proper care, you'll be able to walk on your own again."

"And that medicine that makes me drowsy and leaves me completely useless, when can I say goodbye to that?" he asked curiously.

"You need that to make you drowsy so your other medications can take effect," Gwen said, standing back and admiring her work, Merlin's room was now neat, "I know you hate it_"

"Hate it, I despise it. It makes me so…so stupid. I can't talk, my brain doesn't work right!" Merlin said, his voice beginning to rise, "that's the only reason I need people watching me! I hate being such a burden to everyone!"

Gwen sighed, knowing that Merlin was prone to getting angry at himself, as he did all the time, but she hated that she could never get him to think otherwise.

"Merlin, it's alright. I enjoy looking after you and caring for you. If I didn't I would have given you to an orphanage the instant your parents past away," Gwen replied honestly, "I love you Merlin, and I love living with you."

"I'm still a burden to everyone around me," Merlin replied rather sadly, pulling the blanket over his head, "I hate myself!"

Gwen sighed, walked over to the bed and kissed the top of Merlin's head before leaving, cutting the lights off and shutting the door. Her heart dropped as she heard silent whimpers coming from his bed, but there was nothing she could do.

"I don't hate you Merlin," Gwen said, with her hand on the door, "I really do love you."

OOOOO

Arthur nearly screamed as he read the text his father sent him.

_Find her in a week. If not, come back, you're needed for a photo-shoot and filming. When you're done, I'll send you back to the rehab center to investigate. _

_U.P _

His father was so…so controlling. _Be back in a week_, like he didn't have other things to do! Well, maybe Arthur didn't, but still, what if he wanted to go site seeing in the city or visit the country area. As boring as it seemed to be, Arthur had never been to a place like this before.

Their city wasn't really an urban area, more like a suburban area sitting smack in the middle of a large rural area. He was surprised that many of the hotel works hadn't recognized who he was at first glance.

The hotel, by the way, was extravagant and exotic, filled with more people like him. His father was quick to rent the Penthouse for his son. Below him, were other famous celebrities and distant royals like himself. He hadn't talked to any, but he'd seen very beautiful blond women of a high class winking at him. He was even bumped by a group and slipped a piece of paper with a room number on it.

He considered stowing away in the middle of the night into a room with a beautiful and fair lady, but, he had already had too many of those back home. He even thought about getting wasted. However tonight, he truly just wanted to rest.

He put his phone on silent and placed it on the nightstand beside him, mentally preparing himself for his long week journey.

OOOOO

_A figure behind her spoke, and as she turned, she laughed at him, a cold and evil laugh. He however, didn't start or shudder, instead, he grasped the sword in his hand tighter and thrust it into her chest. _

_She believed she had the upper hand, with the sword being mortal, but as the cool pierced her body and burned her heart, she felt the very life being sucked out of her, painfully and slowly. _

_Morgana had lost, Emrys had won, but Arthur was still dead. _

Morgana woke with a start, the sun's bright rays shinning on her face. That was a nightmare and seemed so real.

She touched the area above her heart just to be sure her heart was beating. She took a breath when it was and lowered hand, her body slightly trembling. She could practically feel the cold blade lodged in her chest.

Nevertheless, the dream slithered back into her head as the smell of eggs and bacon filled her nostrils. Repeating the same routine she did the previous morning, this time with less obsession over the brush, Morgana quickly made her way to the kitchen.

"Morning Morgana," Gwen greeted as she set the table, "you look nice today."

Morgana smiled, noting that Gwen was already wearing her waitress uniform. She'd be gone soon, leaving Morgana with Merlin.

"As do you," Morgana replied, happily, looking at the table and at Merlin, "and you too Merlin."

He didn't acknowledge her, something she'd mentally prepared herself for. "So Gwen, how was your sleep?" she asked politely, walking over to the table and attempting to help Gwen.

"Oh, it was nice, thank you," Gwen replied sweetly, handing a bowl to Morgana, "thanks." Merlin gave Morgana an ugly stare, and she simply smiled back.

Morgana placed a bowl in front of Merlin as Gwen retreated to the kitchen and brought back breakfast.

"Here Merlin, I fixed something a bit bland for you so it won't upset your stomach," Gwen explained, pouring a porridge looking substance into Merlin's bowl as Morgana handed him a spoon.

Gwen again rushed to the kitchen and brought food for Morgana, "You can sit now Morgana," Gwen smiled, "i've got everything taken care of."

Morgana smiled and took her seat, admiring the delicious and intoxicating smell of the biscuits, eggs and bacon. Gwen was a wonderful cook. Gwen ate standing up, rocking back and forth on her feet. When she was done, she went to the kitchen and quickly washed her plate.

"I'm going," she said as she returned, "and I trust you two will get along?"

"Yes!" Morgana said cheerfully, looking at Merlin and remembering the notes she took.

Merlin, as usual, said nothing, but continued to eat his mush.

"Okay," Gwen said nervously, looking over at Merlin, "I'll be back later. Oh, and Morgana, I've taken him off of some of his medications, I emailed his doctor last night, so he may be acting a bit different."

Morgana nodded and looked at Merlin.

"Oh, I've got the dishes too, Gwen," Morgana quickly added before Gwen left.

"Oh thanks! Bye Morgana, by Merlin!" Gwen said, and with that, she was out of the house, the door locked behind her.

The door shut, and silence ensued, but not for long.

"Okay, let's get to work," Morgana began, looking at Merlin's bowl and noticing it was still full, "OH, you haven't eaten, do you need help, I ca_"

"I'm not _retarded_, "Morgana jumped as he spoke with such distain and venom in his voice, "I'm just not hungry."

_He can speak? He wasn't speaking two days ago_, Morgana thought to herself, attempting to keep the same joyful composure.

"Um, okay, let me get that for you than," she said silently, her voice failing her. She looked away from him this time. As she picked up his bowl, she could practically feel his eyes burning a hole through her very soul.

"Did you have a pleasant dream Morgana?" his tone changed completely, as did the atmosphere around the room. He almost sounded, happy. She gulped, how would he know of her nightmare? Perhaps she had cried out in her sleep and he'd heard her, or she'd thrashed violently while in bed?

_He's schizophrenic, he's playing with you!_ She reminded herself, "I didn't dream."

He looked disheartened, "Oh," he paused, "do you dream?"

This was strange, "Yes Merlin, everyone dreams," she replied happily, "are dreams recap what happens to us."

"Gwen says that they tell us things, important things," Merlin replied with a smile, "she tells me to pay attention to them."

Morgana smiled and looked into Merlin's blue eyes and then to the sink behind him. She would need to start the dishes soon, however, unbeknownst to her, she had just made a terrible mistake.

"What are you looking at?" Merlin asked, his tone suddenly from happy to downright terrified, "is someone there?

"No, Merlin, I was just_" he cut her off before she could finish.

"There's someone behind me, isn't there?" he asked, his voice barely above a whisper and on the edge of breaking, "a dark shadow out to get me."

Hallucinations…_Damn it Morgana, you've scared him. _

Merlin had brought his head down and covered his face with his hands, his chair rocking back and forth. Morgana moved to walk over to him.

"Ohh…" he said through his hands, his voice strained and terrified, "where are you going, please don't leave me! I can see shadows everywhere, behind you, on the wall! Please don't leave."

Morgana went behind Merlin crouched down, and hugged him, slowly grabbing his wrist, "Merlin, I'm here," she said softly (surprising herself on how motherly she could sound), "Look around you, the shadows are gone, and I'll never leave you, I promise."

Slowly, his hands moved from his face, and the shadows as he had seen them were gone. He smiled and led his head fall back into Morgana. "Thanks, I was wrong about you, you're not an evil witch, and you're a good one."

Morgana smiled, thinking anything was better than being evil. She also wondered how many more hallucinations they were to encounter today, and if she could possibly whisk them away by just calming him. She wondered how they disappeared so quickly, as she had just acted on instinct. It felt as if something had worked through her, an old soul had erupted and cast his nightmares away.

She had no idea what it was, and frankly, she didn't linger too long on it. It was in the same category as her nightmare, "Forget about it and move on," .

However, she didn't realize that she had just changed fate's design.

After a while with Merlin simply enjoying resting his head in Morgana, the Witch smiled and stood up, "I believe it's time to get on with your schedule, Merlin?"

"Yeah, it is," he replied, allowing her to help him up.

**Let's get this straight. Gwen doesn't love Merlin like boyfriendXgirlfriend love, no, like sister brother or even mother son, just had to clarify that. And also, I realized I just kinda left off Lancelot's part, but there's not much in it. So Merlin's been taken off of some medication, but I'll write their full day in the next chapter. I wanted to get some of his speaking and thoughts into this chapter, and aside with his current sickness, I wanted to write about his actual schizophrenia and some hallucinations. I'm researching while writing about this story, and I love it. Please review and tell me what you think, I'm going to beginning the next chapter maybe with Arthur's visit to the rehab center, which by the way, I may name "St. Luke's" or something ( he's the patron of art and m confirmation saint) or St. Raphael. So again, sorry for the long wait but this is six pages and about 2,000 words, ontop of that, I've got a project and a paper to write, so writing this was extremely hard. Critiques are welcome and PM's are too, just don't give me any flammer's shit like I've gotten on some of my past stories. **

**Anyway, some touchy topics will be touched in further chapter, perhaps the next one, so, be prepared for some detailed writing. Some of it will be my own experience as well. Okay, have a nice week and God bless :D **


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